There is a lot of “Love Yourself!” and “You are wonderful just how you are!” articles out there and body positivity groups and social media posts. But there are also a lot of skinny airbrushed perfect pictured models out there, more so I feel. And that got me thinking, Do I really feel pretty?
I stopped and really thought about it, and then i stood in front of my mirror and picked apart EVERYTHING about myself. I could stand to lose 100 to 115 pounds, my boobs are to big and saggy, I have to many freckles and will never have clean clear skin. I went on about my hair and the permanent bags under my eyes, and everything i could see that was “wrong” with me.
Then, my husband walks in the room and asked what I was doing, “oh nothing” and I gave him a smile, he then just looks me up and down, “You are beautiful.” Gives me a quick kiss grabs what he needed and leaves the room. And after that few moment exchange I looked back in that mirror and expected to see something different, but I still saw all my “imperfections”. Then my daughter wakes up, then I remember the struggle to have her and that big c section scar that caused a small belly overhang, and I smiled. Then she started playing with my hair and smiled at me, she always loved my hair in braids that’s why its up. Then my son comes running in the room, and goes in a big voice “Hi Mommy!” and that made me think about the stress of him being in the NICU and the many sleepless nights I had because of it and the PTSD, and these raccoon eyes seemed like a badge of honor to have survived that terrible and magical time of my life. The. I remember how I tried to breast feed both my kids and that’s why my boobs are sagging. And as for the being bigger, I can change that, if I really wanted to I can change all of that.
I always make excuses for not wearing makeup or taking the time to make myself feel good. My goodness, there are days where I wont even brush my hair and just throw it in a pony tail or top knot, because I am more focused on my kids. But those are things that I can fix and when I fix those things, it takes 15 to 20 minutes and I feel like I am pretty. There is no magic potion that is going to make you forget the stretch marks, or the 12 extra pounds you are trying to hide. So if you ask me do I feel pretty 100% of the time, hell no! Would I change anything about my body, I would say yes at the time, but when it came to it no. Because I earned myself with this body, I have 2 great kids and a husband who tells me how pretty I am and how much he loves me. That makes me pretty no matter how I feel.
Thanks for reading!
Sending you love, hearts and Other pretty things.