Well that was a short lived Challenge, It lasted whta 10 days? then I was done. I failed, and I am ok with that… Why? because that was about things that I didn’t really want to write about, I don’t want to write about me and give you all my deep dark secrets and intel to be shared all over the internet for years to come, I wanted to share things that happened that I fell to help people, to share experiences that only other moms can really relate to.

I want to show you fun things you can do with your kids to build tha bond. SO I failed the one thing I wanted to Challenge myself to this year, it just showed me what I really wanted to do and write about.

It is a scary word, because it’s a scary feeling and I suffer from it, and when I see people like Tiffany, from Juggling the Jenkins, talk about it,make jokes about it to take the scary out of it, to normalize it in a way so people want to talk about it, that makes me feel like I am not alone. I have not always had anxiety, anxiety came into my life when I got pregnant and had my son. anxiety crept into my everyday life under the guise of Baby blues or Postpartum depression. Everything on the outside projected that I was handling it and taking it all the best I could, and they called my manic episodes ‘normal’ because of the situation we were in.

It took me getting pregnant with my daughter to seek help in a way that really gave me a diagnosis, an name to what I have. I have Anxiety, depression and PTSD due to traumatic birth and NICU stay. Now my depression wasn’t something to new to my world, I had been battling that my whole adolescents I was on and off meds for it for YEARS, sometime the doctors took me off them, sometime I stopped taking them because I did not like how they made me feel. Instead of feeling sad, I felt NOTHING.

I am on medications now that allow me to be a human, to be who I need to be for my kids and Do what I need to do for my children and husband. I also have a rescue pill when it gets to be to much, which in the last 2 years I have needed less and less. But there are days when you just feel like you have put on this strong front long enough and the smallest thing will set you off into a fit of an extreme emotion. Lately with me falling back into the breadwinner category on a smaller income I have let my stress turn into sadness and tears. I for the mostpart know its out of my control and life will get better, but anxiety and depression don’t let you see that. They don’t let you see what you know, and that this is all temporary and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The best advice when I was sad came from my 4 years old, and MAN, kids are smart, we do not give them enough credit but I was trying to hold it together, my son crawled on my lap wrapped me in a HUGE hug and told me this:

So this is going to be the words I will try and live by for a while.

Thanks for reading.

-Ashton <3