****Warning there will be A LOT of foul language in this post, I am sorry now.****
Mommy Shamming… We are all guilty of it in some aspect or another; I know I am every so often.
This was not what I wanted to post today; I was going to post about my day planner and my scheduling system, and how I can run my household as a single mom 85% of the time. But today, today mommy shamming hit close to home and in a way that I hope no mommy has to EVER go through or feel.
I got mommy shammed today… By two people back to back in Wal-Mart today, it actually brought me to tears!
My husband works out of town 90% of the time so I am left to do everything with my 2 year old son and a 6 month daughter in tow. Since yesterday was a bad day we didn’t go get groceries, but we needed go today because I was out of baby food, formula and training pants for my son as well a few things for meals I wanted to cook for the next 2 weeks. I loaded up the kids, stopped at MacDonalds for a small frie for my son because I can put him in the cart with the fries and he is good as gold the whole trip…. Not today, I am running on maybe 3 hours of sleep because my daughter is teething and it seems to be the end of her world. I go to put my baby carrier on at the store and discover she is now too big for it and it is now weighted down too much and sitting wrong on her and on me. So I put my son in the big part of the cart and put my daughter in the seat and strap her in, as she can sit independent for the most part. My son starts acting like an ass-hole right away, standing up when the cart is moving, not holding my hand when I try and get him to walk alongside me, throwing EVERYTHING out of the cart when I stop, including 3 glass jars of baby food…. that was the final straw.
I had the main things I wanted so I head to the check out and he is still being just so unbearable. So I pick up my daughter carry her in one arm, put my son in the seat, strap him in and he is being terrible kicking me as we walk to the front end. If I wasn’t out of important things I would have dumped the cart and just fucking left.
I never yelled at him but I whipped out that mommy tone a few times. So here I am, trying to control my terrible 2 year old son who is missing his daddy, while holding a little girl in one arm and unloading everything with my other arm, he got the point where I stopped grabbed his chin to get him to look me right in the eye and I said “What is wrong with you today? Where is mommy’s good boy? Why are you being bad? Why are you such a bad boy today?”
And then I hear it from 2 tills over this woman, in her early 20’s, pipe up “You shouldn’t call him bad.. It will give him a complex and grow up damaged.” That was it, she hit that raw nerve I had tried so very hard to calm. I looked over to her in smug face and said “With all due respect, Fuck off.” And went back to unloading my cart with one arm, then I hear that voice again “You really shouldn’t swear around your kids, they will repeat it.” And at this moment I forgave my son because as clear as day I heard him say “Fuck Off”.
I of course gave him heck and said “No, that is a grown up word.” and ignored the woman, still watching, across the way.
Then I hear from behind me, “Well now you know you should have only had one kid, because obviously you can’t handle the two of them.” I look up to see this perfectly manicured, picturesque young mom pushing an expensive baby stroller while an older woman, I later learned it was her mother, unloads the groceries from her cart. Before I can open my mouth to verbally punch her in the face, her mom steps in and brings her daughter crashing down from her high horse.
“Who called me at 11 last night, again at 2 am and 4 am, in TEARS, because your son refused to sleep? As well as the 3 nights before? Who BEGGED me to go grocery shopping with her because they couldn’t handle the idea of their 7 month old in cart while they shopped was too much for them? I did this with you and your 3 brothers and you were exactly like her son. So you say you’re sorry and shut your face. YOU are being BAD.”
I gave the mom a small thank you smile, paid for my shit, loaded my kids in the car, my stuff in the car, turned it on and just fucking broke down in tears.
I have done the bad shops with my kids, I get my shit and get out, and get over that stress when we get home because I am in my safe place and after 20 to 30 minutes he is back in his calm rhythm and my son again. I can handle that stress, its mommy stress, but getting called out… twice! For doing nothing but minding my own business broke me. I didn’t yell, I didn’t hit, and I didn’t threaten my kids… Don’t get me wrong he was on a time out for a long while in his room with all his toys locked up and all the books he had when we got home.
But that was my business, and it was being handled as best I could. Once it was all said and done, both kids were calm and happy the whole ride home, and good the rest of the day… Well, after his time out Spud was.
Please don’t shame other mamas. Please.
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Love, Hearts, and Pretty Things