Tag Archive | Playtime

Reluctant Stay At Home Mom…

I have been a stay at home mom going on 2 years, don’t get me wrong I love it and everything these two have brought to my live.

But I have been working since I was 14, baby sitting and I was a summer nanny to 2 kids one summer. Then at 16/17 I started cleaning wellsite trailer for my uncles leasing and fabrication company, that moved me into customer service at movie rental places, gas stations and a grocery store! I worked all through high school, did bad things and even got myself fired from a job back then. At 21 I started working as my moms assistant doing HR and payroll and rolled out to helping accounts payable, accounts receivable, and the accountant department. I learned I have a knack for certain things, and I took that knack to a 3 day course to become a book keeper. And then at 23 I started at my last job and was there for almost 5 years, and I loved it so so much. But many factors came into play and here I am at home with 2 little toddlers, and a list of things to do that I cant seem to motivate myself to do.

I do dishes, I cook, I tidy and I make sure the kids are bathed with clean clothes always, but my house has gathered clutter and I look at it and say it needs to be delt with but never really get to it.

I am a part time single mom, my husband is home 1 week a month and the routine is just out the window during that one week. I am ok with it, but now as I don’t have a real house cleaning routine, and no real motivation to gut my house it takes me a week after he leaves to get everything back in a functioning order.

I love being the one who gets to bond with my kids and see them grow into little amazing people. I have thought about going back to work on more than one occasion, but it’s not possible to do. Day care averages for my childre , $850 a month for my daughter, and $850 a month for my son, and my son is only part time Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays because he is in school 4 hours a day, and I cannot work Wednesdays because those are important meetings, trips, and many other things that are school related with my son. As you may remember from many many posts about this, Spud is delayed due to his prematurity, so keeping in constant communications with his school is key, and I am a hands on mom when it comes to that, I would rather hear it from the horses mouth than second hand. I have played way to many games of Telephone as a child to know that this would not end well. 

You might be thinking, how are trips useful, well they teach skills, and are fun for the little kids, weren’t field trips fun for you in school? But, with all these dilemmas the one thing that hurts is due to the fact that life costs money and I cannot make any, my husband is working camp jobs and losing time with his kids, seeing them grow up through pictires and videos. If I could I would change places with him, but I can’t, my skills are set to start at $18.00 an hour and cap around $25.00 an hour, where as my husbands start at $22.00 and hour and can cap at $45.00 or better. We are just starting his career here, so we are still on the low end when it comes to supporting a family of 4 and a Bijoux, so I am the reluctant stay at home mom. 
I love it…. But I also hate it….. 
-Ashton <3

Do I Feel Pretty? 

There is a lot of “Love Yourself!” and “You are wonderful just how you are!” articles out there and body positivity groups and social media posts. But there are also a lot of skinny airbrushed perfect pictured models out there, more so I feel. And that got me thinking, Do I really feel pretty?

I stopped and really thought about it, and then i stood in front of my mirror and picked apart EVERYTHING about myself. I could stand to lose 100 to 115 pounds, my boobs are to big and saggy, I have to many freckles and will never have clean clear skin. I went on about my hair and the permanent bags under my eyes, and everything i could see that was “wrong” with me.

Then, my husband walks in the room and asked what I was doing, “oh nothing” and I gave him a smile, he then just looks me up and down, “You are beautiful.” Gives me a quick kiss grabs what he needed and leaves the room. And after that few moment exchange I looked back in that mirror and expected to see something different, but I still saw all my “imperfections”. Then my daughter wakes up, then I remember the struggle to have her and that big c section scar that caused a small belly overhang, and I smiled. Then she started playing with my hair and smiled at me, she always loved my hair in braids that’s why its up. Then my son comes running in the room, and goes in a big voice “Hi Mommy!” and that made me think about the stress of him being in the NICU and the many sleepless nights I had because of it and the PTSD, and these raccoon eyes seemed like a badge of honor to have survived that terrible and magical time of my life. The. I remember how I tried to breast feed both my kids and that’s why my boobs are sagging. And as for the being bigger, I can change that, if I really wanted to I can change all of that.

I always make excuses for not wearing makeup or taking the time to make myself feel good. My goodness, there are days where I wont even brush my hair and just throw it in a pony tail or top knot, because I am more focused on my kids. But those are things that I can fix and when I fix those things, it takes  15  to 20 minutes and I feel like I am pretty. There is no magic potion that is going to make you forget the stretch marks, or the 12 extra pounds you are trying to hide. So if you ask me do I feel pretty 100% of the time, hell no! Would I change anything about my body, I would say yes at the time, but when it came to it no. Because I earned myself with this body, I have 2 great kids and a husband who tells me how pretty I am and how much he loves me. That makes me pretty no matter how I feel.

 

Thanks for reading!

Sending you love, hearts and Other pretty things.

-Ashton <3

I Thought We Beat The Odds

I Thought We Beat The Odds

When my water broke at 22 weeks my son was given 0% of survival, when he was born at 24 weeks and 2 days he was given a 55% chance of survial with 65% chance of long term health issued. We beat those odds.

When he was 4 days old they started scanning him for brain bleeds, they are extremely common in micro preemies, we beat those odds too and had not a single brain bleed. At 3.5 months old they told us he had ROP and needed laser eye surgery, he didn’t need glasses till 2 and it was just for near sightedness. 

We started crawling, talking and walking and to everyone around him is a normal happy healthy almost 3 year old boy. We had beaten all the odds stacked against micro preemie, I have had many doctors look at him and how my sweet little Spud acts and then look at his medical history and they have a hard time believing that is the same little boy they see in front of them. We had beaten all the odds!

Or ,so I thought….

On April 20th of this year, we met with the Preemie Follow Up Clinic, these awesome groups of doctors and specialists track the progress of many many different Preemies that have gone through Stollery Hospital doors.  Our appointment was from 9 am till noon, we were to meet with a psychologist, a speech and language specialist, an occupational therapist, as well as a doctor and nurse to address any long term concerns we may have, and to also chart his growth, as well as any nutritional and dietary needs he may need. 

Now, I wont go into to much detail, because it is private medical information. The long short if it is, we have delays, significant delays that now require him to attend a special pre-school, at 3 years old. We fell pray to being a mom and dad, seeing all the awesome things our kid was doing but not asking questions about it. 

So now, we as a family have to make a new plan, a plan to fix the delays, to give my son the best possible chance at a normal school experience when he is older. To show him how hard work and determination beat every obstacle in our paths.

We not have beat all the Preemies odds, but we can beat this. We can do this! 

Thank you for reading, if you like what I do here please Like, Comment, and follow me on my Social Media.

Love, Hearts, and Other Pretty Things.

-Ashton <3

Part Time Single Parent

I am in a loving, happy marriage to the man of my nightmares, we have 2 beautiful children who I love more than life itself. We have a fat old tabby cat that is scared of his own shadow. But I am a part time single parent, my husband works out of town 14 days out 21, and I am left at home with 2 kids under 3, my 2.5 year old has pre school classes once a week, and lego club every Friday. Then there is grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, changing bums, 2 baths, clingy babys, clingy toddlers, sick kids and everything else. I do have some help with family and friends who offer to watch so I can catch up on some sleep, but its not the same support I get when my husband is home.

I have respect for the moms who do it 100% of the time alone, you are my heroes, and to those moms whose husbands are gone for weeks and months at a time and are far away from family and friends.

I have had to learn that a schedule is key to a good and steady day, and I have learned that it doesn’t matter if you are sick, you still have to mom up and do what needs to be done. (I did let house work slide while sick though…. Shhhh.)

I have learned to appreciate the naps I get once my hubby is home and the break I get when it comes to going to the store with no kids. I have learned that I do have a great family and support system when I am alone.

I learned that my mom is the strongest and best person to turn to in this situation. She was the part time single mom for 16 years! My dad did this before getting promoted to the nice office job and my mom did it all like me, and she even had part time jobs and ran a day home with even more kids! She would grocery shop with the kids, and teach them how to do house work, she is much stronger than me. But I strive every day to be even half the mom she is to us.

She helped me through the NICU with my son, put her feelings and emotions aside to help me. Where she found the strength to do this started being a single mom for 80% of the time for 16 years.

I am a part time single parent.

 Thank You for reading, please Like, Comment, and follow me on social media.

Love, Hearts, and Pretty Things

Ashton <3

2017

Welcome 2017!!

I welcome you with open arms and a willing mind to help wash away the dust of 2016. If there was anything positive that came out of last year, they are as follows…

  1. I now have the million dollar family! We now have a Mommy, a Daddy, a Spud and as of July a Princess Tally!
  2. I also learned that no matter how shitty the hand you are dealt is, you can come out on top, you just have to be able to swallow your pride and ask for help.
  3. I learned that I have the best parents and brother I could ever ask for, when we hit our lowest point and were ready to give up, they stepped up and helped us in so many ways, I can never say thank you enough.
  4. I learned that I have amazing friends, who are always there to listen and let me cry it all out, and not afraid to slap me back to where I need to be.
  5. I have learned that I was born to rise to every challenge that is presented to me.

I was going to turn this blog into a support spot for families who were in the NICU, but that is not who I am, anymore.. I was a preemie mom, now I am just a mom who has taken to writing about her life, plans and goals online. I am hoping that I can continue getting readers, and make great friends with the people already reading!

My Goals for 2017

  1. De-Clutter my house! Make the most of the small space, and DYI the heck out of my place! And share them with all of you, my lovely readers and friends.
  2. Put my kids into fun activities and let them make as many friends as they can, outside of my friends and their kids. I know they will still see each other and be great friends, but time to learn how to be social!
  3. Use my planner and mommy calendars more! I want to know what I am doing at all times.
  4. Be more active, I need to be around for my kids, and it’s time for me to get into shape to do so.
  5. And finally, stick to a blog schedule! And to use the resources I have found over the last 2 months, and really allow this blog to grow, been seen and possibly ridiculed.

My Hopes for 2017

I hope in 2017, all the negativity of 2016 does not follow any one around and we can try and make the most of this year and, try and smile more. I hope, everyone does at least one Pay it forward during the whole year! Whether it be something as simple as buying the guy behind you in line a coffee, or something big like donating supper gift cards to moms and dads in the NICU, so they can find time to have a night off.

My Dreams for 2017

My dreams are to get accepted into the peer to peer support program at the NICU that helped our son, and hope to try and help other families who have been struggling like we did for so many days in 2014. I dream that I will get into school to become a Social Worker to secure a career and a good life for my children, and husband. But my biggest dream is to just be able to provide much more in some way for my kids. After losing my job last January, I have been feeling useless and over whelmed and when we moved into our own place things started looking up, and I hope to keep that ball going for the whole of 2017!

My Final Thoughts

I have so many plans and ideas for this blog, but by that I mean, I am going to have actual blog posts like a “normal” blog, about couponing, organizing my house with a disastrous two year old following behind you, about just being a mom in general, what drives me crazy and what melts my heart. I know my goal last year was to start vlogging, ya know posting videos of my life and sharing them, but I don’t want to have to worry about where the camera is all the time, how to edit… I barely know how to blog and use these blog sites and I wanted to vlog and edit videos?

I am a crazy, crazy mommy.

I hope you and your families have a wonderful New Year’s Eve and don’t cause too much trouble. Now if you excuse me, I have a little girl who has decided that sleep is beneath her at night.

Thank you for reading, please Like Comment and follow me on Social Media.

Love, Hearts, and Pretty Things

Ashton <3